Do you notice and appreciate the people you work with? I’m guessing you do notice the small kindnesses, problem-solving, and mutual helpful that support camaraderie and collaboration. But when you do notice, do you tell them?

I worked with a team this summer who had just completed a highly successful project. It was so successful, that the senior leaders gave each team member a significant cash reward $$$.

You’d think people would be thrilled. However, as I talked to people, I heard something different. One after another, team members express some variation of this sentiment: Yes, the cash bonus was nice. But, I what I really want is for my contribution to be noticed.

Noticing and appreciating is different from rewarding, evaluating or saying ” Atta boy!” or “Thanks for a job well done.” Noticing and appreciating talks straight to the person, not the task.

Direct and Personal Appreciation

I often introduce appreciations when I work with teams. I use the form I learned from Virginia Satir, by way of Jerry Weinberg.

That form is “[Name of person], I appreciate you for [quality or action].”

“Good job” or “thank you” feel familiar. So, this may feel a little awkward at first. Sometimes I model and go first, appreciating someone in the group. Other times, one brave person starts, and fills in the blanks: “Sara, I appreciate you for being patient with all my questions about the new feature design.”

The other team members see the first one didn’t die, so another will try it: “Jason, I appreciate you for keeping us on topic in all our team meetings. I didn’t like it at first, but after awhile, I realized how much more we accomplished when you didn’t let the discussion wander off track.” Pretty soon it catches on!

Noticing and appreciating is a small thing that makes a big difference. Group members know they are seen, and valued. Over time, safety in these groups goes up. Because even when there is disagreement or friction, people know co-workers appreciate them.

——-

Tom Van Vleck responds: Your blog entry about appreciation hit a chord. When I was managing , years back, I mentioned to another manager that I thought it was important to really care for one’s employees — to manage with love. The other manager snorted and said, “fear works a lot better. I kick butts until they deliver.” (The project was a major failure.) March 5, 2003