ED: A company I worked for in the past had a policy that applied to dating when there was a direct or indirect reporting relationship–and that made sense.  Where there is a power difference, there can easily be an element of coercion. When the relationship is known (and they usually are) there’s almost always a perception of favoritism.  And that gets in the way of work.

As for dating between between peers or where there isn’t a reporting relationship, you can’t stop attraction, and you can’t stop people falling in love.  It’s going to happen, whether there is a policy or not.  So let’s handle it like adults, treat employees like adults, and not pretend the company acts in loco parentis.

That said, “Don’t get laid where you get paid” is not a bad rule of thumb.

[Aside: I can’t believe they didn’t publish that bit of sage advice!]

ES: What do you do when the couple’s behavior matches expectations? (E.g. they keep it quiet, never let the relationship create a conflict of interest, etc.)

ED: Wish them well.

ES: How do you, as manager, keep an eye on this and stay fair?

ED: Well, I don’t watch the couple like a hawk.  I observe the dynamics of the group and look at work results.

ES: What happens when the relationship creates a work distraction?

ED: Start with congruent feedback, based on observed behavior and impact.  When people are in love, their brains are flooded with all sorts of chemicals that keep them from thinking clearly.  Information about impact may make it though the haze.

ES: How do you handle it as manager when the couple breaks up, or is found making love in the storeroom, or creates an uncomfortable atmosphere?

ED: As long as the breakup doesn’t interfere with work, it’s not my business.  If it does interfere, I give feedback.  It the former couple can’t figure out how to work together and their animosity gets in the way, one of the former pair will often leave the group voluntarily.  If you have to break up the fight, move both of them off the group. Moving only one too often results in other team members taking sides–another distraction from the work.

I usually talk about consequences after the second time I give feedback–talking about consequences when people haven’t had a chance to change can feel like a threat.

Unless there’s something illegal or egregious going on, then the message needs to match the seriousness of the situation.